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Laceys 10 survival tips for separated couples living together during Covid-19.

21st April 2020 by Kenneth Clarke

Categories: Covid-19, What's New?
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Asking a couple who are divorcing or separating to practice social distancing from each other is second nature in normal circumstances, as most contact post separation is minimal, usually only to organise parenting time with their children.

But these are not normal times or circumstances. The perverse cruelty of the Coronavirus pandemic is that separating couples and their children are finding themselves holed up together for an indefinite period, adding to the tension, anger and bitterness that so often accompany the split.

With no escape route to family or friends during Covid 19, there is real risk that conflict will simmer and boil over and even lead to violence. In England and across Europe there has been a spike in the number calls to the police and domestic abuse helplines.

So how can couples caught in the Coronavirus trap stop things spiralling out of control during lockdown? These 10 survival guidelines should help;

  1. Creating boundaries is essential.
  2. Apportion household tasks and activities with the children, so that neither party feels that they are doing more or less than the other, or not getting a fair split of time with the children.
  3. Agree not to talk about the relationship and the reasons for it ending.
  4. Structure activities with the children within an agreed time frame.
  5. Agree a schedule of time out from the children and each other, so that you can each have your own space. Take advantage of the once a day exercise permitted under lockdown, so that you can go out and switch off
  6. Express any disagreements and frustrations without resorting to shouting in front of the children. If an issue is likely to escalate, agree not to talk about it face-to-face. Either put it to one side, or agree to only communicate via email, text or WhatsApp. Agree to keep communication factual, without insults or blaming. Apart from anything else, this method of dealing with conflict will give the children a healthier model of relationships.
  7. Keep track of household expenditure if money is a problem. Agree contributions towards the groceries and other essential items.
  8. Keep your distance, physically and verbally.
  9. If you are already in a new relationship, keep communication with the new partner private.
  10. Unless it can be done amicably, do not discuss the main issues that you need to resolve in the future (arrangements for the children and the split of family assets).

These simple rules should help to instill some structure into a temporary but stressful situation and also ease tensions.

This awful pandemic is forcing us to do everything differently, from the way we work and interact, to coming to terms with social distancing and the two metre rule and surviving isolation and loneliness. Whilst keeping two metres apart in the home is not possible for most, one positive that might arise from Covid 19 is that we all might learn to communicate in a better, kinder way once things are back to normal.

Perhaps the new normal for separating couples stuck under the same roof is that they will forge a new relationship with their ex, as housemates and friends.

Laceys family and mediation departments remain open, providing advice, support and assistance to clients during this difficult period. Unfortunately, we are currently unable to undertake meetings in the office but we are able to conduct MIAM appointments or mediation sessions via Skype rather than having to be postponed.

Please visit our website www.laceyssolicitors.co.uk for further information and regular updates.

Kenneth Clarke

Associate — Family Mediation

Direct dial: 01202 721822

Email

“What could have potentially been an extremely upsetting and inflammatory scenario, proved to be a surprisingly smooth and conflict free process through Laceys mediation. With Kenneth’s extensive experience we were able to reach an agreeable outcome without spending our life savings!”

Julie Morris

Kenneth is the elder statesman of our mediation team, with forty years’ experience as a family lawyer, and qualified as a mediator in 1996. Kenneth has been a key member of the Laceys mediation team since 2005, specialising in financial and children cases, with a particular interest and specialisation in high conflict cases.

Kenneth is also qualified to consult with children, a growing part of the mediation process. Always looking to expand the boundaries of mediation practice,  Kenneth brings a degree of gravitas, humour, understanding and empathy when he mediates with clients,  creating a positive environment in which clients work together to resolve their issues quickly and cost-effectively.

Out of office hours, Kenneth’s main passion is writing musical theatre. When he has time Kenneth also enjoys travel, especially cruising.

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